Womza!!! Don’t panic, that’s just my own way of saying I missed you so much (. I do have a lot to explain to you, but we would be taking it one by one. I call this article a perfect rant. I’m actually yet to figure out why some friends make you their greatest enemy as soon as they realize you’re one step ahead of them. Well, that’s a talk for another day. Hmmm I have seen and heard quite a lot of crazy things – and I’m still seeing and hearing. I have met people who actually believe the best way they can express their love is to control your life and force you to become what they wish you to be, not what you ought to be.
“A rock called Communication”
So I sat down with a group of people and as we were all talking I was able to gather a few things which were really a blessing to my soul. THANK YOU GUYS!
Friend 1> My boyfriend loves me so much he wouldn’t even allow me go out without him. (Aw, so cute. He trusts her, especially when he is EVERYWHERE around her life…yeah)
Friend 2> My boyfriend doesn’t mind me hanging around other guys, he believes I can’t be taken away from him GASKIA! (This boyfriend must be feeling like the King Of The Jungle…just saying)
Friend 3> I like this girl so much and she likes me as much, but we can’t be together because we know virtually everything about each other……..and it feels so awkward. (GBAM!!! This was where my counseling instinct came in.)
Hello somebody, would you have preferred to end up with someone you know only a couple of things about or someone who went through the most important phases of your life together with you?
Communication is the corner stone of every relationship. It should never be side kicked. Right now I’m talking about communication between a man and woman in a relationship. What attracted you to the person you love? What is your spouse’s inner beauty or attributes? I read long ago that the best thing to be attracted to in a person should be their personal attributes.
Now, when it comes to choosing a person as your friend or lover, communication should be one of the most important things to consider. Ask yourself if you communicate well on the same level or not. A friend could stop being your friend at a particular point in time either because of distance or priorities, but your lover should have the capacity and ability to be your lover as well as your friend. That’s why I would always tell people to have an idea of who they are or what they want to be before making a choice of a lover. Now why did I say that? Remember, everyone has his or her temperament: melancholy, sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric. Understand also that people are either introverts or extroverts in nature.
As a Mel-san myself, I know that there are some temperaments which I can’t cope with so I’d rather not give such persons a major role to play in my life. Why are these temperaments so important? It is because it helps to know what kind of individual you really are, what kind of people you have in your life, and the kind of individuals you could live with. It also helps you understand people better and that makes life easier for you. When you meet people, you have to be patient enough to study them in case you end up having any interest in them.
Let me tell you a quick story about two people who were so in love and got married. After marriage, the woman discovered that her husband was a strong introvert; he would always stay indoors and wouldn’t even hang out with old friends. On the other hand the wife was the opposite; she loved staying out and meeting people. Few months into the marriage the relationship started growing apart and they thought divorce was the solution because the man felt very insecure. But seeking advice from a good counselor, they were able to understand each other better and then make compromises for their relationship to grow in strength once again.
What I am saying is this, if you really take time to know that person you love, it would save you some painful surprises and regrets in the future. It’s wise to know early enough that you can’t have everyone in your life; not because they are not good enough for you, but because your individual differences can NOT merge to become an interest. My very good friend once told me that when your spouse isn’t communicating with you as much as you feel he or she should, you feel slightly cheated. You may try to make up excuses for them for not communicating with you, but when it persists; suspicions arise, and then trust decreases. That’s why it is crucial to be patient and very observant. It shows you care about them; it tells they mean a lot to you, it gives them some sense of importance.
Believe me, practicing these little things makes life beautiful, you don’t get bored or tired of each other. It’s fine to want to have that “me-time” once in a while (especially if you find it difficult to think clearly within the love spell of your spouse (), but after having that brief moment, you still need to get back to this one person who makes the day shine brightest for you. For those who think “but I have other cool friends, so why should my spouse be my best friend?” Oh well, do remember that when everyone has left for their own homes, it would be you and your spouse alone at the end of the day. So would you rather sit and pretend every TV program is so interesting, or sink into your mobile phone all hours until you drift off just to avoid the awkward reality of not knowing what to say to each other? Nobody prefers a miserable relationship. So start building a good relationship by treating your spouse as you would do your best friend. This way you wouldn’t have to avoid each other like a plague.
Like I always say – when your lover is also your best friend, you will know because it will show…